Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you’d drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It’s more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.” Ray Bradbury
A safari is exciting, educational, adventurous and unique. All your senses will be awakened by the sights, sounds and experiences of a safari. Some of them may NOT be appropriate. There are many things you should NOT do whilst on a safari. Some of them are obvious, others simply may NOT occur to you, until it is too late to rectify them.
First of all, DON’T wear vivid coloured clothing if you want to actually see any game you need to blend with your environment. Animals will NOT approach a vehicle full of brightly coloured folk who stand out in the bush like a neon light.
A large proportion of your time will be spent bouncing up and down in a vehicle in the searing African heat but DON’T be fooled by the temperature. Between April and September DON’T go on a game drive without some darn warm jackets. You have no idea how cold it gets in the bush after sunset in autumn and winter.
Just because you have cows at home DON’T get out of the vehicle to “pet”, for instance, a buffalo as we had a Chinese gentlemen do. He had water buffalo at home and decided to pose for photography with an African buffalo. We did haul him back into the vehicle pretty quickly! In fact DON’T get out of the safari truck at all unless your guide stops somewhere safe you for you have a sun downer or a morning coffee.If you do need to make an emergency stop, tell your guide and they “will make plan”, as we say in Africa.
So if you’d like to keep your legs and all the important appendages on your body, keep them inside the vehicle Even if you are NOT bothered about your limbs you are endangering your fellow safari goers! If your guide stops the vehicle to view wildlife, it is NOT an indication that you may jump overboard. Limbs are very useful items to have on one’s body, so try to keep them. All you need to do is listen to the person in khaki. Lions appear lazy, elephants appear slow and cumbersome; and leopards look aloof, but they’re all predators who could attack in the blink of an eye. You DON’T want to end up as lunch.
DON’T ignore your guide, when you are on a game drive your guide is your best friend. Be nice to him and always do what he says. After a couple of hours riding around in the bush you may feel like an expert bushman, but you are NOT. You are an inexperienced tourist with no clue what the animals or terrain are really like. DON’T disrespect the fact that English is probably the second language of you guide. This does NOT mean that you need to shout and speak slowly. Be aware of derogatory statements and do NOT act condescendingly towards your guide, they are highly trained, very passionate about their job and are there to share their love for the bush with you.
DON’T disrespect animals by encouraging your guide to do things that aren’t ethical or which may place the animals in danger. Do NOT be the jerk offering a tip just so you can get a slightly better photo. In fact, never get too close to any wild animals, elephants and rhino are particularly dangerous to vehicles and could charge if they feel their young or themselves are being threatened. Equally never ask your guide to the leave the roadways and drive into the bush as you never know what you are driving over or what is beneath you. Also leave no trace of your waste when you leave and never drop a packet or piece of plastic on the ground; an animal may eat it and choke. The African bush is a delicate ecosystem which can easily be damaged.
When first sighting an animal DON’T call out or to point the animal out to your friend. Noise travels long distances in the bush so try to be as quiet as possible if you DON’T want to ruin the sighting and the experience for yourself and those around you. Also DON’T move around as large movements may rock the vehicle and prevent a fellow guest from taking the photograph.
If you have younger children DON’T save money by sharing a game drive vehicle with other guests unless they belong to your party. Safaris are great for children, but the drives are long and can get quite boring for most youngsters under the age of 10. Get your own private vehicle; it will be better for everyone.
Likewise, DON’T bring your cell phone on a game drive unless you plan to use it as a camera. There's nothing more irritating than someone chatting to their friends or texting, while others are trying to immerse themselves in the African safari experience. In this way DON’T edit and delete photos from your camera to make room for more, while on a game drive. The constant digital beeping is really irritating to others, and totally ruins the natural sounds of the bush especially when you're taking a video. In fact, always mute your digital camera.
DON’T watch the clock. Game drives may last longer than three hours because if there is a rare sighting your ranger will stop. However your guide is there to ensure that you and the people around you have the best experience possible and to keep you safe. If the guide starts to move off from a sighting to make way for another vehicle, do NOT argue with them or demand they remain where they are. It is their job to be courteous to all visitors to the bush.
DON’T expect to see the Big Five on your first game drive; you are NOT visiting a zoo. Your guides will do their utmost to find every animal you have on your wish list, but there's no guarantee you'll see everything. Parks and reserves are vast, the animals are unpredictable, and they all wear camouflage. Respect your fellow passengers wishes to stop and spend time looking at animals they want to see. Likewise, DON’T make the driver stop for every single impala if your fellow passengers are NOT interested at all. DON’T demand sightings!
DON’T Be Obnoxious. Ask questions but do NOT waste the guides and your fellow passengers’ time by being a know-it-all. DON’T keep regaling others with your knowledge or supersede the guide when he is explaining animal behaviour or what you're looking at.
DON’T Remark on the size of the Big Five’s genitalia, consistent loud comments about the size of an elephant bull’s thing-he-makes-babies-with is just vulgar. And no, the Big Five are NOT so named because of the size of their genitalia. They’re called the Big Five because they were they most dangerous animals to hunt on foot. Wild animals are well endowed. End of story.
DON”T get “khaki fever”! All guides look hunky in their khaki clothes and many suffer unwanted advances from overseas women, convinced they want to spend the rest of their lives in the bush with their suddenly desirable guide. Having said that, I do know a couple who met in just those circumstances and have been happily married for twenty years. Rare indeed!
DON’T forget to tip your guides, drivers and camp staff while on safari. Tips make up a big percentage of the staff's salary.
A safari is guaranteed to be one of the best vacations you'll ever have DON”T ruin it.
